So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
