so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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