conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
