I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
