you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
