hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
