Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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