I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
