last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize