i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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