She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
