She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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