If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
