you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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