how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
