I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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