the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
