can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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