i will never coherently bang her
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
