If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
