you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
