paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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