i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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