we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just pee around me
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
