I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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