Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize