I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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