I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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