Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
