My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
