Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
