She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There r osticjed everywhere
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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