All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
