I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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