I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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