I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
