Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My vagina is officially offended.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
