Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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