i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
