If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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