Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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