look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize