I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize