On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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