Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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