i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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