i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize