she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
