Umm I'm too high to move.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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