I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
