I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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