It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
