and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
