a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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