Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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