Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
