Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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