My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
