Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My dick has a subreddit
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
