if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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