Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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