I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
