Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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