Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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