Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
