She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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