like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
They are going to name an STD after you.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
