Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
