The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
