I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
